Day: October 5, 2019
I was raised by my grandmother and I spent a lot of time with her – at home. I’ve always been a homebody and unfortunately, I’ve been that way for so many years. Before my dad died, I always thought about all the things I would like to do, but couldn’t do because of his illness.
Well, dad passed away this past August and you know what I realized? Some habits are hard to break. I am that person who will make plans, get excited about them and then cancel them the day before.
I already know. Hush.
Well, this is my birthday month and a couple months ago I made a list of things that I wanted to do every weekend. This weekend, I went to hear a very well known author and poet. Next weekend, I will be going to a concert with my daughter. I haven’t made any plans for the following weekend yet (but I see a body massage and facial in my future) and the last weekend of the month, I will be attending a women’s conference.
It is a fight to push myself to do something different. I didn’t know what it was called years ago, but I have dealt with anxiety for a long time. I’m glad to say that the attacks aren’t as bad as when I was a child. I also don’t like going somewhere alone. It would be so nice to have someone to do things with from time to time, but you know what? I have already missed so much in life waiting for the right time, waiting for the husband, etc.
I know some of you can’t relate, but I am so comfortable at home. I love being at home. Everything is at home – my laptop, TV, cell phone, bible, my notebook.
Well, not everything. While being in my comfort zone means having a regular and familiar routine and less anxiety, it also means no growth or change and a false sense of security. It means missing out on some great opportunities and meeting some great people.
For years, I have been afraid of change, but what I should be afraid of is staying the same.