I Did It Again!

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sad woman

Have you ever been proud of yourself because you hadn’t committed fornication or adultery or any other sexual immorality for a period of time? Not only were you proud of yourself, but you felt like God was proud of you, too. Then, you fell right back in the same area AGAIN. Now you’re ashamed, hurt, and disappointed in yourself. You took the way to escape temptation the last time, but you forgot that when Satan left you, it was only for a season. You forgot that he was coming back. You didn’t realize that he was patiently waiting for another opportunity to catch you – off guard. Peter the Apostle warned the saints to always be watchful, alert and self-disciplined because the devil is walking, waiting, hoping and looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).

One of the reasons why we fall into the trap of sexual immorality is because we don’t know who we are or understand what we have. When the serpent spoke to the woman in the garden, he told her that after she ate the fruit, her eyes would be opened and she would be like God (Genesis 3:5). Before God created man, He created everything man would ever need on earth. Man was created in God’s image and likeness. Then, He gave man dominion over the principalities and powers in the sea, in the air and upon the earth. Eve was already what the serpent said she would become and what the serpent convinced her that she would have, she already had.

As Christians, some of us really don’t appreciate or value what God has done for us. We don’t appreciate what we have. We complain. We want what someone else has. We want what we should not touch. We take God for granted. We take what He has done for us lightly, but what Jesus went through for us wasn’t easy. He endured the cross, shame and suffering. The last Adam came to set you free from the bondage that the first Adam put you in.

Another reason why we fall into this trap is because we don’t believe God. We don’t believe that He has created someone for us. We don’t believe that someone will love us or respect us as God does. So we go from man to man or woman to woman searching for someone that has already been made for us (or in the making). Unfortunately, after facing many hurts and disappointments (and by the way, God doesn’t hurt or disappoint), we give up or we settle. We can receive a word that our spouse is coming, but if a certain number of years have passed and we’re not married yet, then we think that it will never happen or maybe God changed His mind or that we don’t deserve a spouse because of our past.

I’ve also found that although we talk about God’s love and we sing about how much He loves us, we still don’t understand what real love is. Many of us have brought pornography into our homes and into our marriages not understanding that what we were looking at was created to destroy relationships, not to build them. The people you see in porn videos are paid actors. It’s an act. Their behavior is not real or genuine. They do not love or cherish the one or ones they are with. Once they complete their act, they move on to the next partner. Pornography does not display real love, faithfulness or commitment. We have confused lust with love.

So…how did I get myself in this mess again?  Why, like a dog, did I return to vomit or to what once made me sick? Jesus bore our sins and by His stripes, we are not going to be healed, but we were  healed (1 Peter 2:24). Why engage in something that leads to sickness when Christ has already healed you?

Some of the situations I put myself in weren’t a result of being ignorant of Satan’s devices. I knew the truth, which is the word of God, but I chose to believe a lie. Although the serpent deceived me (I really thought that this time would be different from the last time), I couldn’t blame the serpent and I couldn’t blame Adam. I knew better. I knew my vulnerable areas, but I compromised – to get what God said He had already given me. Just like Eve, it started with a conversation and if you deal with loneliness (single or married), this is one of the tools Satan uses to prey upon you. I was supposed to guard my heart (for out of it are the issues of life), but instead I let my guard down.

So after the anger, hurt and disappointment, I felt stupid and used. Believe it or not, I actually wanted God to give up on me because by this time I had given up on myself (suicidal). I could no longer see any good in me. Nobody else wants me. Why does He still want me? Why does He still want to use me?  Well, all I know is that even though I was unfaithful to Him, He is still faithful to me. My Maker is my Husband and He is jealous over me. He is not issuing a bill of divorcement and He is not putting me away. He hasn’t rejected me nor has He rejected you. Although you may have left your first love, He’s giving you time and space to return to Him. That’s all He wants. Return to Him and He will receive you again. Be honest with Him. Acknowledge your sins and repent so that He can restore and heal you. We have given ourselves over to the wrong people and then we wonder why we can’t love God with all  our heart, soul and mind. We have formed ungodly soul ties that are designed to literally tie us down leaving us burdened, depressed, and sad.

There’s more I want to share with you, but I’ll save it for the next blog. In the meantime, be encouraged and believe that although you may be broken now, you shall be made whole.

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