That’s a picture of me as a little girl.
Something happened to me as a young child and I recently asked God, ‘Why did You allow that to happen to me? I was only a child. What kind of God would do this?’ Well, about a week or two weeks later, I was sharing my anger with a young lady and she said, ‘There is nothing wrong with you being angry, but you are angry with the wrong Person. An enemy has done this, not God’. When she said that, I felt so bad. Here I was telling people about how good God is yet I was blaming Him for something bad that happened to me. I felt like if that one thing hadn’t happen to me as a child that I wouldn’t be going through what I’m going through as an adult.
But my thoughts are not His thoughts, neither are my ways His ways…
God decided long before I was conceived that He was going to use me for His glory. The devil thought evil against me and what he did was meant to hurt me, but God meant it for good. All God is doing is building a testimony, but I was mad because I didn’t get to choose the tests. I didn’t want to go through certain things. I compared myself to others and wondered why I couldn’t be like them. I was behaving like a child when he or she can’t get their way.
God gave me bread from Heaven (manna) everyday, but I complained because I wanted meat (quail), but why would a good father give a babe strong meat when He knows they can only digest milk? Jesus wanted to reveal deep and secret things to the disciples from the Father, but sometimes they didn’t understand what He was saying so He had to speak to them in parables and He could only share things in bits and pieces because they couldn’t handle it all at one time. My point is that God will only give you what’s good for you. He will never give you anything that will kill you or destroy you or choke the life out of you. Jesus didn’t come to take life, but to give you abundant life.
Anytime I went through something uncomfortable or something I didn’t like, I thought as the Israelites: ‘Have you brought me out to die in the wilderness?’ There are some things you go through that makes you feel like it’s going to take you out, but God didn’t bring you out to kill you, but to kill what shouldn’t have been in you. You see, the wilderness is designed for wild animals, beasts and unclean things, not people, but God desires to drive out every unclean thing that is in you in the wilderness because it doesn’t belong where He’s taking you (the Promised Land). This promise is for YOU, not for them and if you don’t let God kill it in the wilderness, it will kill you in the Promised Land.
I can blame my past for my present, but it will never change my future. What’s important is not what was done to me in the past, but what Catrell is doing now. I must get past my past. If I want to see what God said, I must obey His voice today. It is possible for you and I can to get what God has promised us, but it will only be done His way, not our way. Let God do what needs to be done in the wilderness so that you can enter into what He has promised you. Forgive others (even if they don’t apologize). Forgive yourself. God wants to set you free so you can freely enjoy all things.
When I first got saved, I don’t remember my prayers being ‘Give me this. Give me that’. I remembered just wanting Him. I remembered the quiet time I spent with Him and on yesterday I asked the Lord to restore the hunger and thirst I once had. I wasn’t trying to get satisfied. I only wanted to satisfy and please Him. I’m praying that we all return to our first Love because it’s not hard to obey the One you love. The only thing we should seek is the kingdom of God and His righteousness because God has already given you all things.
Luke 1:30 tells us that John grew and waxed strong in spirit in the wilderness privately until it was time for him to appear publicly. God has already started a good thing in us. Let him finish in private what He wants to display in public. Let Him bring what He’s building in you to completion. Don’t you just hate when someone starts a project and then stop? They leave a big mess and what you see is not desirable to look at, but God is a Finisher. He wants to do in you what John the Baptist allowed Him to do in him. What God is about to display will not be messy or unfinished. Something beautiful is coming out of this.
This is the Lord’s doing and it will be marvelous in our eyes.